Wednesday, December 15, 2010
Thursday, December 2, 2010
Monday, November 29, 2010
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
I burnt many turkeys in my days,
buy you didn't care you ate it anyways.
i cursed when I smoldered my meal and mouth,
you're response was not to shout in vain.
when the stumble gave way to tumble, I looked up on disgust.
You sat in fuss of my distrust for the burden was too mess up.
one dinner, one day of perfection dribbled from reach and I failed a new family.
the plates mismatched and one entree hot and one that was cold. Reminded me of stories of the days old, the golden locks of girl looking for respite was what I heard. All that I asked for a little bit of grace said across the table and each others face. You smiled when I frowned as looked at the display but you sweetness erased my disgrace. Dinner of yesterday is the same as today and tomorrow, all is not lost in this sorrow or regret from a picturesque tradition sold on the tv. We've filled the future with destiny of marching soldiers and warriors in flight but today was a short order for perfection within one night. Then you said I ordered this disorder to see what you got, if you put in your best effort than that meal is what I got. Burnt, turned or ruined the whole food of thought was not destroyed for the mashed potatoes were made, the mac had cheese that you grate, the vegetables stayed green and didn't wilt away, the mission was accomplished as two empty bellies was fueled okay. It wasn't impossible to make us come to stay.
buy you didn't care you ate it anyways.
i cursed when I smoldered my meal and mouth,
you're response was not to shout in vain.
when the stumble gave way to tumble, I looked up on disgust.
You sat in fuss of my distrust for the burden was too mess up.
one dinner, one day of perfection dribbled from reach and I failed a new family.
the plates mismatched and one entree hot and one that was cold. Reminded me of stories of the days old, the golden locks of girl looking for respite was what I heard. All that I asked for a little bit of grace said across the table and each others face. You smiled when I frowned as looked at the display but you sweetness erased my disgrace. Dinner of yesterday is the same as today and tomorrow, all is not lost in this sorrow or regret from a picturesque tradition sold on the tv. We've filled the future with destiny of marching soldiers and warriors in flight but today was a short order for perfection within one night. Then you said I ordered this disorder to see what you got, if you put in your best effort than that meal is what I got. Burnt, turned or ruined the whole food of thought was not destroyed for the mashed potatoes were made, the mac had cheese that you grate, the vegetables stayed green and didn't wilt away, the mission was accomplished as two empty bellies was fueled okay. It wasn't impossible to make us come to stay.
Friday, November 19, 2010
Monday, September 13, 2010
What u can't do teach. What was suppose to happen to me? Was I to be a lawyer or an advocate against child abuse? I would have if I could have but most of my life's been plagued with the would've, could've, should've's. The thing is for me is my passion in writing. It is where my true and clear voice finds home. I hadn't thought of this as a means to an end but that is what has happened.
Sometimes you have to say "f" it to the bad and if thats all you knew and had then there is a void. It is within the individual then to venture into the unknown in order to find it. There will be a variety of setbacks but as long as you keep climbing and moving forward and through the negative you will have found the strength to meet the challenge but learn to separate each fight and tackle them on its own merit because one day there will be a convergence of all the hard work. It might amass to something great and if not there will be something solid then there can be solidarity.
For the fact, we were not put on Earth live an isolated existence but the journey where we meet and hear of the kindest, bravest and giving souls is where we find the truth. We aid in balancing the scales of justice, justice cannot be given to us because it would be one sided if it was that easy. So the strengh in man lies within but it needs to be cultivated with care, concern and character. I see it as individual responsibilty to build upon this knowledge because once you've learned truth, you cannot unlearn it, some call this ignorance and some call it bliss and it can sometimes protect the innocent. As shared meanings cross the globe and transcends continents and borders, the struggle ensues in definitions of those ideas. My experience only touches on specific issues concerning long term child sexual abuse but it never deterred from my perceptions of a world community where many voices have a say, I aim to be one voice as I've heard many others reiterate One God, One aim, One destiny, followed by one love for all.
I put too much stock in my own knowledge. Once I realized I would survive one catastrophe after the next, the joke was on me as I spent part of morality and mortality trying to have others meet me half way. I demanded empathy perhaps when it wasn't warranted. Yet, in the field of psychiatry and psychology it is expected and my expectations weren't being met in my opinion.
Some critics in the field of psychiatry agree that often the issues of traumatizing childhoods, there is a lack of correct assertations. It is the business of pharmacology to create and design drugs for whats ailing us and often these drugs skim over a diagnosis and perpetautes the illness by disregarding other alternative methods of recovery. One thing to consider is if there was a solution without drug substitution, where and would be the field of psychiatry?
Some critics in the field of psychiatry agree that often the issues of traumatizing childhoods, there is a lack of correct assertations. It is the business of pharmacology to create and design drugs for whats ailing us and often these drugs skim over a diagnosis and perpetautes the illness by disregarding other alternative methods of recovery. One thing to consider is if there was a solution without drug substitution, where and would be the field of psychiatry?
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
Assoluta Tranquillita: Iraq museum reopens
Assoluta Tranquillita: Iraq museum reopens: "Yes, this IS interesting to me! From the BBC: Iraq museum reopens ..."
Thursday, August 5, 2010
I had been listening to reggae music for some time by that point. I was a Bob Marley fan and spent a good portion of my time driving back and forth from Santa Ynez to Santa Barbara listening to my cassettes. I had of course Marley's Legend throughout high school and when I started college I was listening to his children, Ziggy Marley and the Melody Makers. I had time to clear my mind, dream of the future and enjoy the present, sadly it was only for forty five minutes each way but once I came over the mountain and saw the beautiful ocean and city that nestled on the shores, I knew I was home for that remaining twenty minute drive down. The view was breathtaking as were the people who resided there. I didn't think there was a ugly looking person everywhere I looked as people were communal and appreciated their habitat. Sadly, I was only an observer and was on the outside looking in. :p
For some reggae is about a good time and positive vibes. It is about what you as a person can bring to the party, a smile, a handshake, a hug, a laugh, through enthusiasm and happiness. For other listeners, the music is about a vibe, a spiritual journey, a religous affiliation, or perhaps a prophecy. In the middle, I think are warriors, the ones that understand struggle, trials and tribulations. They are the ones that uprise to balance the scales in equality. It's within the power of redemption, retribution, restitution and regards to race that salvages us from becoming savages in this world.
The musicality of reggae is rooted in philosophy thats universal. Many misunderstand the cultural practice of smoking herb as the only reason to listen to Rasta. It's in the the speech and language of a culture that differentiates time and space. In reggae, the music does not require understanding but overstanding. The term "overstand" originates from the patois language of the Jamaicans. Breaking the words down in the prefixes explains the obvious, as under is beneath, below, lower or covered. For a subjugated group those words are negative. In response to those negative ideas, the word, "overstand" represents the positive and represents the rise from oppression within knowledge. It is not to just accept an idea, concept or belief but to bring those ideologies to life. The word over refers to above, upon, reaching or engaged. The study of Rastafari often is correlated to the study of epistemics or the theory of cognitions with the perceptual, intellectual and linguistics of reggae, religious doctrines of Rastafarians, and spiritual reasoning from life experiences compared to academic rationalizing. The main goal in overstanding is self sufficiency and sustainability.
Wisdom is better than silver or gold (Zion Train ~ Bob Marley). In mainstream reggae, no one is more recognized that the Honorable Robert Nesta Marley. It must be said that he wouldn't have been the man he was without others by his side and they are often forgotten. The Wailers, his wife, Rita, the other backup singers of the I Threes harmonized the sound that reverberated the world. As reggae is a subculture from mainstream culture, the treasures of other artists have yet to receive the world recognition comparable to Bob Marley. However, the unification of the artistry speaks in volumes as the words of Rasta, reggae and roots culture have become heard, seen and known. From ska, to roots, to rock steady, to lovers rock and to dancehall, for all styles, the prevailing theme of reggae music concerns individual self worth and where in history they belong. Dependent on the artist, their songs and styles, I believe the music still speaks to the masses. Peter Tosh went solo and did the same thing as did so many others. From the roots, to the saplings, to the trunk, to the branches, to the limbs and to the leaves, the woods that stand before me is like a family of ideas that keeps growing.
Within any religion, there's often a fine line between worship and believing. In reggae music, the teachings are about living for God. We have heard it time and time again with the religions of the past, as the Scriptures and scared writings of the Bible, the Torah and the Koran. However, in Rasta, like Buddhists, there is a lack of formal principles in the spiritual culture and its often highly valued as individual journeys in knowledge. They are looser in structure but remain schools of thought compared to the strict religious dogma and pragmatics of Catholics or Muslim sects. Though, like in any religion there are definitive absolutes. For many Rastas and non Rastas believe the time is now, with the proclaimation that God is an living man and reincarnated in His Imperial Majesty, the Ethiopian king and ruler, Haile Selassie. Haile Selassie I was an Ethiopian Orthodox Christian. Historically, Ethiopia and the region is deeply rooted in Christianity as it is considered the oldest Christian monarch in Africa. Selassie's history is vast and complex but he is also the only first internationally recognized black leaders of the 20th century, as he is known as the King of Kings.
Zion Train
Which man can save his brother's soul? (save your brother's soul)
Oh man, it's just self control. (oo-hoo-oo!)
Don't gain the gold and lose your soul (just don't lose your soul)
Wisdom is better than silver and gold -
To the bridge (ooh-ooh!)
Oh, where there's a will,
There's always a way.
Where there's a will,
There's always a way (way, way, way, way),
Soul train is coming our way; er!
Soul train is coming our way.
The musicality of reggae is rooted in philosophy thats universal. Many misunderstand the cultural practice of smoking herb as the only reason to listen to Rasta. It's in the the speech and language of a culture that differentiates time and space. In reggae, the music does not require understanding but overstanding. The term "overstand" originates from the patois language of the Jamaicans. Breaking the words down in the prefixes explains the obvious, as under is beneath, below, lower or covered. For a subjugated group those words are negative. In response to those negative ideas, the word, "overstand" represents the positive and represents the rise from oppression within knowledge. It is not to just accept an idea, concept or belief but to bring those ideologies to life. The word over refers to above, upon, reaching or engaged. The study of Rastafari often is correlated to the study of epistemics or the theory of cognitions with the perceptual, intellectual and linguistics of reggae, religious doctrines of Rastafarians, and spiritual reasoning from life experiences compared to academic rationalizing. The main goal in overstanding is self sufficiency and sustainability.
Wisdom is better than silver or gold (Zion Train ~ Bob Marley). In mainstream reggae, no one is more recognized that the Honorable Robert Nesta Marley. It must be said that he wouldn't have been the man he was without others by his side and they are often forgotten. The Wailers, his wife, Rita, the other backup singers of the I Threes harmonized the sound that reverberated the world. As reggae is a subculture from mainstream culture, the treasures of other artists have yet to receive the world recognition comparable to Bob Marley. However, the unification of the artistry speaks in volumes as the words of Rasta, reggae and roots culture have become heard, seen and known. From ska, to roots, to rock steady, to lovers rock and to dancehall, for all styles, the prevailing theme of reggae music concerns individual self worth and where in history they belong. Dependent on the artist, their songs and styles, I believe the music still speaks to the masses. Peter Tosh went solo and did the same thing as did so many others. From the roots, to the saplings, to the trunk, to the branches, to the limbs and to the leaves, the woods that stand before me is like a family of ideas that keeps growing.
Within any religion, there's often a fine line between worship and believing. In reggae music, the teachings are about living for God. We have heard it time and time again with the religions of the past, as the Scriptures and scared writings of the Bible, the Torah and the Koran. However, in Rasta, like Buddhists, there is a lack of formal principles in the spiritual culture and its often highly valued as individual journeys in knowledge. They are looser in structure but remain schools of thought compared to the strict religious dogma and pragmatics of Catholics or Muslim sects. Though, like in any religion there are definitive absolutes. For many Rastas and non Rastas believe the time is now, with the proclaimation that God is an living man and reincarnated in His Imperial Majesty, the Ethiopian king and ruler, Haile Selassie. Haile Selassie I was an Ethiopian Orthodox Christian. Historically, Ethiopia and the region is deeply rooted in Christianity as it is considered the oldest Christian monarch in Africa. Selassie's history is vast and complex but he is also the only first internationally recognized black leaders of the 20th century, as he is known as the King of Kings.
Zion Train
Which man can save his brother's soul? (save your brother's soul)
Oh man, it's just self control. (oo-hoo-oo!)
Don't gain the gold and lose your soul (just don't lose your soul)
Wisdom is better than silver and gold -
To the bridge (ooh-ooh!)
Oh, where there's a will,
There's always a way.
Where there's a will,
There's always a way (way, way, way, way),
Soul train is coming our way; er!
Soul train is coming our way.
Sunday, August 1, 2010
Cognition is the Ignition
One thing about the written language it that it transcends age anyone can write or type but the diction in written form is usually by the relational and spacial indicator of the author. As the internet has opened the door to typed verbage, anyone can curse up a storm, regress to infantile babble or adolescent lingo. Today, the current internet slang is with the use of acronyms. They are on the rise and best utilized in jest or expressions of affection.
Funny how the little words like "I love you" of that past can translate into three little letters, like lol, you just made me laugh. Those three words generally carried some existentialists profound meaning that made it so difficult for the words to be spoken aloud or least in the correct context. On the opposite end it might have lost meaning and translation in its ever frequent use or expectations of them to be said, heard and felt. They are just three words, it is the person who says them and how they mean it that makes the difference.
Perhaps, now we have an easier aptitude to "lmao" or to send a picture of a tiny heart and have it hold so much of ourselves as we trustfully had just given it to someone we "like" or don't even know. In this, we can become better people by giving of ourselves the slightest notion of care and concern. We smile behind the computer screen and sometimes tears formulate when we read about others. Older people can relate to younger generations once again, myself included. The question is do other languages have the same affinity for idioms such as this? At least the visual emotiocons are universal as limited as they are.
In my opinion, the education system needs to incorporate communication skills into the curriculum for the fact the childhood has been shortened by technology and less resources. Children have less time to read in school and even less at home. With this breakdown in the more formal type of communication, rationalization decreases. Children are able to connect more with adults with the shared experience of the internet, cell phones, and digitalized media but at what price are children leaving childhood behind? Emotional intelligence must be cohesive with formal language, like the written word.
In many ways, my daughters' generation should be considered the IT generation. I.T. meaning internet technology, like a technician, children's learning skills concerning the advent of technology should be taught appropriate learning skills instead of leaning on technology as a crutch or a means of escape. It is important for American children to be taught media literacy. It should be embraced with emotional intelligence. Although, these are some classes I took, they are concepts that are relatively new or revised. It is information that is often the responsiblity of the parent to teach their kids these levels of social skills but it should be incorporated into the regular academic curriculum for high school students, possibly for the junior high levels as introductory subjects. These effect tools prepare youths to understand their world better.
Funny how the little words like "I love you" of that past can translate into three little letters, like lol, you just made me laugh. Those three words generally carried some existentialists profound meaning that made it so difficult for the words to be spoken aloud or least in the correct context. On the opposite end it might have lost meaning and translation in its ever frequent use or expectations of them to be said, heard and felt. They are just three words, it is the person who says them and how they mean it that makes the difference.
Perhaps, now we have an easier aptitude to "lmao" or to send a picture of a tiny heart and have it hold so much of ourselves as we trustfully had just given it to someone we "like" or don't even know. In this, we can become better people by giving of ourselves the slightest notion of care and concern. We smile behind the computer screen and sometimes tears formulate when we read about others. Older people can relate to younger generations once again, myself included. The question is do other languages have the same affinity for idioms such as this? At least the visual emotiocons are universal as limited as they are.
In my opinion, the education system needs to incorporate communication skills into the curriculum for the fact the childhood has been shortened by technology and less resources. Children have less time to read in school and even less at home. With this breakdown in the more formal type of communication, rationalization decreases. Children are able to connect more with adults with the shared experience of the internet, cell phones, and digitalized media but at what price are children leaving childhood behind? Emotional intelligence must be cohesive with formal language, like the written word.
In many ways, my daughters' generation should be considered the IT generation. I.T. meaning internet technology, like a technician, children's learning skills concerning the advent of technology should be taught appropriate learning skills instead of leaning on technology as a crutch or a means of escape. It is important for American children to be taught media literacy. It should be embraced with emotional intelligence. Although, these are some classes I took, they are concepts that are relatively new or revised. It is information that is often the responsiblity of the parent to teach their kids these levels of social skills but it should be incorporated into the regular academic curriculum for high school students, possibly for the junior high levels as introductory subjects. These effect tools prepare youths to understand their world better.
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
OWN: Oprah Winfrey Network
TO DREAM A DREAM
THE OWN NETWORK IS LOOKING….
Numerically speaking, this country and world is filled with exceptional people and personalities. We live in a society filled with a cult of personalities. For me, music has shaped my OWN views, Living Colours’ song lyrics….
Neon lights, A Nobel Price
The mirror speaks, the reflection lies
You don't have to follow me
Only you can set me free
I sell the things you need to be
I'm the smiling face on your T.V.
The mirror speaks, the reflection lies
You don't have to follow me
Only you can set me free
I sell the things you need to be
I'm the smiling face on your T.V.
In the field of psychology, personality constructs a coherent picture of a person. Within the social sciences, a person’s cognitive ability relies on understanding. AS OPRAH DREAMED OF HER O W N network, she has reached her goal, launching on the first day of 2011. She’s fortified her life objective as she asks the rest of us to find our OWN.
In light of the new network replacing Discovery Health, I would think that nothing would be more complete than a show dedicated to personalities and the sciences of individual thoughts and characteristics. It is to be an educational and informative show that can result in a bit of fun.
For myself, I am a hidden personality that had reasons to hide and reasons to revolutionize my OWN thinking, attitude, means and ways and develop who I am NOW (same letters as OWN). It is how I’ve lived life and while I spent much of my early years figuring things out, I’ve found that I was a person long before I was a wife, mother, student, worker, friend, sister, and even daughter because I listened, I heard and eventually, I saw what is beautiful.
SHHHH….silence amidst violence.
I’ve picked up the pen to write, to learn over and over, to share, to keep trucking, to keep trodding with the forward thinking in life as I’ve pick up the sounds and the silence. These things have developed my personality. In addition, I never stopped caring about others. That would be the first sin but not the last thing I’d sing about.
Complex dualities make up the best personalities and that’s also who I follow. I don’t Twitter, I have a Myspace but left it for Facebook. It’s my place on the internet, though I hear that we are a bit narcissistic, so I think I might be one of the few narcissistic liberals on the web. But it don’t matter, I still SHARE my OWN and maybe will run across others, too. Also, I go forth with a positive attitude and gratitude within my heart, waiting to share, waiting to meet friends, waiting to be heard, sitting and waiting, getting up when I need to walk. I go…..
Why and how can I go on? I dream, too. I hope for a better future, I learned from the best and I care about the right types of personalities that make the planet a better place. I am not a television personality but someone who can research and reserve the good, the bad and the ugly. I love to give but at times have given so much I had nothing left.
So in regards to why, I’ve been told I was defective but I was not listening then to them. I was maladjusted, mistreated, misinterpreted, and maltreatment occurred. I grew up in a highly dysfunctional family but I kept hope in my heart. I worked hard to create new avenues when the streets were nothing but dirty pathways. In some ways, I’ve been stoned like witches of past but I survived. I picked up the words and pasted them to my embodied psyche, like post its when I was stuck in life because I dreamed of moving forward. So life is what it is, I am one personality writing to Oprah to explain why. The “how” is more complex and within it, this person lives.
The bottom line is I was imprisoned by my own mind. It took more than ten years of my childhood and probably twice that of my adulthood. I’ve made space for myself as I made space and a place for my OWN children. I’ve battled psychologists that wanted to throw me away. I’ve cultured myself with arts and music that made me move and pay attention. I’ve held conferences in my OWN consciousness when there was no one else there. I’ve made a life for myself and my family.
So to bring light to personalities, I’ve hinged my thoughts on who and what they’ve done for mankind, the human race and for the extremely lonely sitting somewhere in some corner of the world looking for a little decency and dignity to rise up and stand firm. THIS IS WHO I AM NOW. I want to build and share. I have voice for the first time within the written language. If others could learned from the vast amount of qualified, compassionate and concerned personalities as I have learned from, perhaps we’d have a better quality of folks formidable to formulate a more fashionable planet. Then we can be friends, family and form visions. I am employed by love.
Sincerely,
Educate2Eradicate
Monday, June 28, 2010
To Poetry
Too poor to eat rye and to be downed and drowned in soup equates a life of struggling.
An artist's palette is a plateful of words that are imaging and imagining.
Sounding alarms like silent screaming and scheming.
Chugging down verbage like leafage comsumed by the pages of books read.
The spirit is fed the last supper with free wine thats red.
The ruins grow from the composition and acquisition of the dead.
Quotes, notes and jokes survive through testimonials and testaments of time.
Feed the masses with equivalical links in line.
New slumber will tumble for roots replenish the signs in a mind.
An artist's palette is a plateful of words that are imaging and imagining.
Sounding alarms like silent screaming and scheming.
Chugging down verbage like leafage comsumed by the pages of books read.
The spirit is fed the last supper with free wine thats red.
The ruins grow from the composition and acquisition of the dead.
Quotes, notes and jokes survive through testimonials and testaments of time.
Feed the masses with equivalical links in line.
New slumber will tumble for roots replenish the signs in a mind.
Monday, June 21, 2010
To survive a tale
For survivors of sexual abuse perhaps there's a reason the general public view the stories as a source of inspiration of living and pushing through the agony bestowed on us.
I believe that it is time that people who've experience childhood abuse should stand up and be counted in memory of the ones that didn't make it and for those who are coming after us to help create a path to freedom from that pain. In my opinion, it is without a doubt a social epidemic that needs to be controlled someway. The more victims share their experience, the more other professionals, particularly in academia can find a solution and other agencies and personnel can implement the information. As every other government agency is tapped for money, we must raise our voices so that the world understands the issue can't continued to be ignored. Harsher laws and mandates do not mean a thing if there is a lack of consistency. Any parent can validate this as true.
I believe that it is time that people who've experience childhood abuse should stand up and be counted in memory of the ones that didn't make it and for those who are coming after us to help create a path to freedom from that pain. In my opinion, it is without a doubt a social epidemic that needs to be controlled someway. The more victims share their experience, the more other professionals, particularly in academia can find a solution and other agencies and personnel can implement the information. As every other government agency is tapped for money, we must raise our voices so that the world understands the issue can't continued to be ignored. Harsher laws and mandates do not mean a thing if there is a lack of consistency. Any parent can validate this as true.
Monday, June 14, 2010
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
My voice is quiet which is why I write. My life had always been surrounded by living things but its only been within landscapes. Beautiful scenery but devoid of others and time stood still, like a painting waiting to be seen. The people in the scene have been scarce and scattered.
Today, I invite others to see my poems and writings as I aim to develop a full story from the beginning. Though life doesn't come with a pause, rewind or fast forward button, the life I've lived required that I become familar with this device that dictates life. This is my story.
Chronological order: abuse, direct, childhood few memories scattered here and there, chunks of memory loss, SBCC, Europe, Mexico timeline all life before the me. Old me dead and gone. T.I.
Talking to kids about disorders, addictions, afflictions. So...straight and narrow of life as an abused child...from my mother to my father...every single last detail.
Talking to kids about disorders, addictions, afflictions. So...straight and narrow of life as an abused child...from my mother to my father...every single last detail.
Sunday, June 6, 2010
To Yell A Wish
If I could paint the world for my mothers and fathers, I'd show them that I am home in nature's universality and hear its vocality sing, ring music in my ears.
Release and cleanse my soul into an atmospheric blue sea as skies open to the oceans, reflecting growth in a world speckled by green. Virtual and visual flowers scattered and open to a garden's ardent planet.
Sun shiney days brightens my eyesight with clarity. From the highest treetop to the largest mountaintop, I see a rose crested bird standing there, ready to fly like a red balloon floating in the air. Hot air rising and evaporating above the stratosphere. The culminating clouds guard heaven.
The crystal hues that sparkle in the sun require my amber tinted glasses to deflect the brilliance before my small eyes. I stand in the sun. As I flip my eyewear to my rounded face, I see the world with technicolor vision.
Below the vibrant leaves in the grove are like vibrating notes in a groove. Compiled into a colorful symphonic rearrangement and aligned to the colors of red, gold and green. The flag to my right is waving back at me in harmony to the wind.
These tinted hues meet the yellowish soul inside my sunburned skin. Everyone and everywhere is tainted with a tan and born from the flesh of a baby's pale exterior. We grow in sunlight within nature's composition.
The Earth's brown ground is where I land. I am still standing. My footing balanced and bequeathing fertile soil, for rivers run deep and I rest on the embankment. Dirty sludge wraps around my feet and place in life but I still kick it.
I see the world again, in my fellow man's futuristic, flying fashion. I wait to be telegraphed, telephoned and teleported to the transcontinental thinking of those who see like me.
I paint in reality.
Release and cleanse my soul into an atmospheric blue sea as skies open to the oceans, reflecting growth in a world speckled by green. Virtual and visual flowers scattered and open to a garden's ardent planet.
Sun shiney days brightens my eyesight with clarity. From the highest treetop to the largest mountaintop, I see a rose crested bird standing there, ready to fly like a red balloon floating in the air. Hot air rising and evaporating above the stratosphere. The culminating clouds guard heaven.
The crystal hues that sparkle in the sun require my amber tinted glasses to deflect the brilliance before my small eyes. I stand in the sun. As I flip my eyewear to my rounded face, I see the world with technicolor vision.
Below the vibrant leaves in the grove are like vibrating notes in a groove. Compiled into a colorful symphonic rearrangement and aligned to the colors of red, gold and green. The flag to my right is waving back at me in harmony to the wind.
These tinted hues meet the yellowish soul inside my sunburned skin. Everyone and everywhere is tainted with a tan and born from the flesh of a baby's pale exterior. We grow in sunlight within nature's composition.
The Earth's brown ground is where I land. I am still standing. My footing balanced and bequeathing fertile soil, for rivers run deep and I rest on the embankment. Dirty sludge wraps around my feet and place in life but I still kick it.
I see the world again, in my fellow man's futuristic, flying fashion. I wait to be telegraphed, telephoned and teleported to the transcontinental thinking of those who see like me.
I paint in reality.
Sunday, May 23, 2010
I am a glutten for punishment but as my mom showed me when I first came to the United States, the truth will eventually come out. In this hub bub world we live in and as the earth spins on her axis, we don't have time to ruminate or illuminate the truth. I find this a crying shame when we are just subjects in a pawn game called life.
However, it is our duty to make right of past transgressions and push forward to create harmony and world we can confidently pass on to our children. The current state of affairs is hindering this progression. If it weren't for technologies advances, we still be embattled in our ideals and yet the world wide web and the internet can bring us freedom to choose in what we learn, to investigate what we've found and to perserve what we need to sanctify our place in history. For the needs of belonging and nuturing a planet we call home.
I know its all esoteric but it is goal that should not be put last on the list of priorities.
However, it is our duty to make right of past transgressions and push forward to create harmony and world we can confidently pass on to our children. The current state of affairs is hindering this progression. If it weren't for technologies advances, we still be embattled in our ideals and yet the world wide web and the internet can bring us freedom to choose in what we learn, to investigate what we've found and to perserve what we need to sanctify our place in history. For the needs of belonging and nuturing a planet we call home.
I know its all esoteric but it is goal that should not be put last on the list of priorities.
In regards to what it took to get me where I am in life, I must say that each person I've known beyond a superficial level, I can tell something good if not great about them. It has taken some discipline to (not see people in their glowing light) but to just meet other people. My inaite shyness was the obstacle to overcome, along with my apathy and inability to trust strangers, as well as my interpersonal relationship with depression and understanding bi polar disorder.
However I always stood on own my on feet and I owned my personal defeats as each choice I made was carefully thought out and I examined each possible outcome for the situation. I did so without malice and here is where I see individual choices that defines who we are, which can be influnced by genetics, environment and societal expectations.
If we were all as diligent and elegant as some of the greatest minds that resides on the planet, we would know peace. If we held our expectations of the golden rule when we meet with adults and authority, we shall find power. If we were to enjoy our lives like when we were young babies and children, we would find smiles and laughter.
While, I have made my share of mistakes I have painfully retraced my steps to find the error of my ways. This is in my opinion called conscious living. It is what separates the barbaric need to dominate and destroy creation and creativity. In some ways it is a form of captivity to try to trap someone else's innocence or niavity in attempt to possess it for themselves. Human beings are a culmination of good and evil and to consider that we are not victims of deceit, tyranny or tragedy, then you less in tune with the news of today. It is easier to believe that we are incapable of wrongdoing when we break laws everyday, whether universal or man made, we are faulty. Yet, our individual selves are in control if we make it our choosing.
However I always stood on own my on feet and I owned my personal defeats as each choice I made was carefully thought out and I examined each possible outcome for the situation. I did so without malice and here is where I see individual choices that defines who we are, which can be influnced by genetics, environment and societal expectations.
If we were all as diligent and elegant as some of the greatest minds that resides on the planet, we would know peace. If we held our expectations of the golden rule when we meet with adults and authority, we shall find power. If we were to enjoy our lives like when we were young babies and children, we would find smiles and laughter.
While, I have made my share of mistakes I have painfully retraced my steps to find the error of my ways. This is in my opinion called conscious living. It is what separates the barbaric need to dominate and destroy creation and creativity. In some ways it is a form of captivity to try to trap someone else's innocence or niavity in attempt to possess it for themselves. Human beings are a culmination of good and evil and to consider that we are not victims of deceit, tyranny or tragedy, then you less in tune with the news of today. It is easier to believe that we are incapable of wrongdoing when we break laws everyday, whether universal or man made, we are faulty. Yet, our individual selves are in control if we make it our choosing.
This is the life of a higher power and by the words of man, some have given that such a name, whether its God, Allah, Buddah, or Christ, even Jah, we all have someone to answer to. The real issue is who is asking us to become more than we are and for those who understand where someone has been because they have been there too, it our duty to care and to remind ourselves what that was like so we can help others stretch forth and follow through in their own goals and beliefs. Why not help one another along the way is a valid and real question that needs to be answered.
In the scope of a vast continent or planet, we have the ability to send a greeting or a piece of happiness. I bear witness to it everyday as I watch my own children connect to living things and they add vitality and validity to their own existence and being. These things become commerce in the form of social equity rather than material things. Some call it karma. Material items only enhance beauty, like a paintbrush and canvas are merely things. It is the creative mind that moves each stroke into a vision or feeling. Perhaps people need this type of impulsive therapy to see whats inside when they have given up.
It should be passed around and shared so others can influence and enhance its meaning. Words and feelings can be meaningless but to know truth, to see it, feel it and live it is done by conscientious behavior that, for some, has successfully been passed down by generations. In the realm of decades, we have more agility and capacity to pick and choose those years gone by. We have and can incorporated the style, look, beliefs, philosophies and music of those generations into our individual personalities. I've watched mine grow like a little Chia pet. As water gave little green buds the will to sprout and flourish, bringing shape and form to elaborate on whats already there. It circumferences the heart and mind as it is fed life. For this I am grateful.
In the scope of a vast continent or planet, we have the ability to send a greeting or a piece of happiness. I bear witness to it everyday as I watch my own children connect to living things and they add vitality and validity to their own existence and being. These things become commerce in the form of social equity rather than material things. Some call it karma. Material items only enhance beauty, like a paintbrush and canvas are merely things. It is the creative mind that moves each stroke into a vision or feeling. Perhaps people need this type of impulsive therapy to see whats inside when they have given up.
It should be passed around and shared so others can influence and enhance its meaning. Words and feelings can be meaningless but to know truth, to see it, feel it and live it is done by conscientious behavior that, for some, has successfully been passed down by generations. In the realm of decades, we have more agility and capacity to pick and choose those years gone by. We have and can incorporated the style, look, beliefs, philosophies and music of those generations into our individual personalities. I've watched mine grow like a little Chia pet. As water gave little green buds the will to sprout and flourish, bringing shape and form to elaborate on whats already there. It circumferences the heart and mind as it is fed life. For this I am grateful.
I write so on days that the sad, lonely and despaired will open these pages and look for themselves inside and within these words no longer feel as alone. It is how I came about and if I am the last in line, I will wait to be found and continue to walk forward careful not to fall backwards and loose footing and as I reach out when falling I hope to find someone else there to pull me back up.
Still looking for those others who are inspired to live their lives in spite of trauma, oppression and heartache is how I shall live because it is my choice and mine alone. In that I am not lonely but universal because we love and go where hate lives so we can learn to love again.
Still looking for those others who are inspired to live their lives in spite of trauma, oppression and heartache is how I shall live because it is my choice and mine alone. In that I am not lonely but universal because we love and go where hate lives so we can learn to love again.
Friday, May 21, 2010
Carl Schurz
In the corner of the Santa Barbara Newspress, it said Carl Schurz....american politician (1829-1906)
ideals are like stars; you will not succeed in touching them with your hands. But like the seafaring man on the desert of waters, you choose them as your guides, and following them you will reach your destiny.
ideals are like stars; you will not succeed in touching them with your hands. But like the seafaring man on the desert of waters, you choose them as your guides, and following them you will reach your destiny.
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
My strongest attribute is my patience but I have seen it be my downfall as well. Take for example, the last person in line is going to be limited as resources are less available. Yet, often when someone is last they can embody all those those before them. Kind of like when you have to give a speech, you have a frame of reference as others spoke before you on how to stand, where to look, how to sound and with how loud you must be to be heard. I am used to being last and its become second nature to put others first. There's something innate in me in wanting to care for others. I believe Albert Einstein said...if you dont live for others than you are not living.
Ironically, I was in the psychiatric hospital when someone saw me race across the room in my chair as I was the last one to make it there. That had been the group assignment, apparently I wasn't thinking like everyone else and I sat there. When it dawned on me to make my way across the room, everyone else had gone. So, I dragged myself and the chair over in lightening speed. I don't know why but everyone was impressed. I think it was because I made it in record time but the odd thing was that the group leader had congratulated me and told me that I was actually first. I thought she was nuts for thinking that but she made sense when she started to explain how everyone moves in their own time. I guess I had demonstrated that with my absent thinking. I had mulled over the story of the Rabbit and the Tortoise for a quick synopsis of things but sat back confused as I ever was. "Okay, last is first in the mental ward, go figure." This what I was thinking at the time.
Over the years, I have been positioning myself to be first. As a woman, whose a mother and wife, it is easy to find youself put last. Is it by our own doing as the general caretaker? I am unsure but in conversations with friends I know that it happens and there is nothing more to do than climb up and out of that mindset.
I see myself jockeying for position in getting my needs met, usually concerning my emotional needs. It's a fact of life that being number one reaps its rewards. I have learned this from being last and by putting my children's need before me. I consider it patience, but others might consider it naive and dumb. I currently have a need to be seen and heard, after a childhood ruled by the idea that children are not to be seen or heard. So, I continue on not knowing if I matter to others.
Ironically, I was in the psychiatric hospital when someone saw me race across the room in my chair as I was the last one to make it there. That had been the group assignment, apparently I wasn't thinking like everyone else and I sat there. When it dawned on me to make my way across the room, everyone else had gone. So, I dragged myself and the chair over in lightening speed. I don't know why but everyone was impressed. I think it was because I made it in record time but the odd thing was that the group leader had congratulated me and told me that I was actually first. I thought she was nuts for thinking that but she made sense when she started to explain how everyone moves in their own time. I guess I had demonstrated that with my absent thinking. I had mulled over the story of the Rabbit and the Tortoise for a quick synopsis of things but sat back confused as I ever was. "Okay, last is first in the mental ward, go figure." This what I was thinking at the time.
Over the years, I have been positioning myself to be first. As a woman, whose a mother and wife, it is easy to find youself put last. Is it by our own doing as the general caretaker? I am unsure but in conversations with friends I know that it happens and there is nothing more to do than climb up and out of that mindset.
I see myself jockeying for position in getting my needs met, usually concerning my emotional needs. It's a fact of life that being number one reaps its rewards. I have learned this from being last and by putting my children's need before me. I consider it patience, but others might consider it naive and dumb. I currently have a need to be seen and heard, after a childhood ruled by the idea that children are not to be seen or heard. So, I continue on not knowing if I matter to others.
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
Oprah's New
Laura Bush, outed as a secret Rastafarian.....she is a mother and wife, right? 5/4/2010 O show. AaiiiRight!!!
STAY POSTED....working in conjunction with great women and young minds, giving hearts and happy smiles. YOU KNOW Oprah.....YOU AND YOU.....and own.....so cool....I'm there.
Children can understand the envoked emotion of anger and frustrations by clicking a few keystrokes to delegate curse or swear words without actually making it come to life by verbalizing the words for its a test zone and of course not something they are consciously aware of. But adults in communication and particularily emotional intelligence can express themselves with appropriation. The sad part is that there is abuse in this arena of dialogue via the world wide web, as children and adults remove the censor button or filters on their feelings and thoughts. However, individual and some communal regulation can help curve the enthusiasm with self monitors. Ultimately we become individuals that have a choice specific to a time and place and space. The true idea, in the spirit of freedom of speech but we should also have the freedom of silence. As people, we have the right to say what we want but when the emotional baggage accompanies those words we have an enormous variety of differences in opinion as the same wording or phrases are administered in public discourse. It gives the individual distinction, at times uniqueness but often overburdened with other people's interpretation. Sometimes open other times the mind is closed.
The words silent and listen have the same letters.
The words silent and listen have the same letters.
Monday, May 3, 2010
Life in simple times for some~ no matter what happened they were appreciated.
Free Range
Environment within entitlement to free days and play.
I was a child
who ran up and down
the hills of yesterday and tomorrow.
It was home to sorrow.
Elementary was complimentary to what was held dear.
Others so far removed
from the impossibilities
imposed on a young heart wanting a beginning
from the earliest start.
Contradiction within dialectal conversation.
Without sounds to echo
my need to be needed
to be wanted was another matter
one that was much sadder.
Preservation on the reservation was all I had.
I was the shyest
rarely vying for affection.
I was the one following directions.
Survival became tactical and nearly impractical.
Practicality for morality was the means of getting by.
Lies were put upon a small mind
that was bonded to fateful ties.
I was and am a person
before a little child.
I was hoping for some simplicity
just to stay a little while.
Submitting only to a time
that I defined.
It is how I lived a life.
Faced against the corner, just standing, sitting and waiting
till I got a little older and bolder.
I released my chains
to a higher plane.
Love gave in to sin.
When I was a little child, happiness was there a while.....
As a small child, I lived a quaint life in the country, I had wild flowers for friends and green grass to lie in and hide. The sky was vast, blue and white and open to sunshine. It was a small town. The house that my parents built on a hill was a dream turned nightmare. The property was twenty acres of land and my parents found a home away from home. They left the urban rat race to live a quieter life. The other option at the time was heading to Death Valley were the land was just as cheap. My parents bought twenty acres in the 1970's for nearly $20,000. Both of them come from the east coast, my mother from Pennsylvania and my father from Connecticut. My mother was Jewish and her husband was Italian Catholic. The two had other family members that disapproved of their union but when they met on the campus of USC, my father vigorous pursued her until she relented and became a part of his life.
Friday, April 30, 2010
Thursday, April 29, 2010
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
While we spend time in our thoughts thinking we have the answers, we don't know till we try to make it happen. Visualization becomes an after thought because the present requires an idea to move into execution.
While mulling over the possibilties of a future, I decided to reexamine my school records. For the most part I've managed to pocket my life like pool balls hitting the corners. Thoughts neatly rearranged as the table cleared one by one. Also, if by strategy or luck, more than one fell into place. I have seen it happen, although stastically it was usually a methodologically single shot in. I wonder have I a single shot or if it is just a shot in the dark.
I have prided myself in understanding, recognizing and accepting the difficulties I've come across. I made efforts to rectify and save what I could. Regaining memory has been one of my many hurdles but not from a brain injury or physical harm but from tragedies of child abandonment and later abuse.
After relatively two and a half years of moderate success at the local community college and my numerous previous attempts, I am almost at the finish line. My coursework and studies have created a place where I could be myself, think and share what I know and understand. As I looked back on the years on what I have lost, while simultaneously reacquiring the moments that should have been, I am not surprised at the setback today.
Upon reviewing my student record, I realized there were still chunks of information missing from my psyche. As I sat and pondered this thought, I debated how much of a pursuit I wanted or needed. I would be required to go back to that very black and white world that surrounded at the time. Those were the haziest and grayest days of my life but the stark contrast during those days were warring opposites of fear and courage, along with failure and success and my personal freedom was exchanged for another's life.
"U should have said sumthing!' I said to oldest daughter this morning as she got out of the car. Its something that was verbally expressed and something thats weighed on my conscious my whole life. However, today the tone and accuracy of my words were directional for my daughter's sake. As the words were expressed there was no lingering guilt. Those words became hers to own at a later date in her young life . For me it was a step forward as I reflect on why that same sentiment endangered my life in the past with shame and disgust. It turned me into a mute, someone without any sense of communication. Thoughts that were buried so deep that darkness filled the void between language, emotions and vocality. I was silent.
Sunday, April 25, 2010
I'm Hurting Inside
Bob Marley
oh-a-w-oh
when i was just a little child
(little child)
happiness was there awhile
(there awhile)
and from me, it...
it slipped one day (ay)
happiness
come back I say
cause if you don't come
i've got to go looking...
for happiness
well if you don't come
i've got to go looking...
god, for happiness... happiness
say that
say i'm hurting
(inside) and its no...
i'm hurting
i'm hurting
deep inside
oh good god now
oh hear my cry
hear my cry
yeah my my my my my my my cry
been together like school children
(school children)
then you hurt me just in vain
(just in vain)
oh...
lord, i'm your little child
(little child)
oh
happiness come back awhile
cause if you don't come
i'm gong a looking
for happiness
the road is dangerous
cause if you don't come
i've got to go looking
for happiness...happiness
said I'm...
don't you know i'm...
i'm hurting, hurting inside
oh i'm hurting
who cares
who cares
does the one who love
oh
feel the pain
feel the pain
does the one who love
feel the pain
feel the pain
(been together)
been together like school children
Bob Marley
oh-a-w-oh
when i was just a little child
(little child)
happiness was there awhile
(there awhile)
and from me, it...
it slipped one day (ay)
happiness
come back I say
cause if you don't come
i've got to go looking...
for happiness
well if you don't come
i've got to go looking...
god, for happiness... happiness
say that
say i'm hurting
(inside) and its no...
i'm hurting
i'm hurting
deep inside
oh good god now
oh hear my cry
hear my cry
yeah my my my my my my my cry
been together like school children
(school children)
then you hurt me just in vain
(just in vain)
oh...
lord, i'm your little child
(little child)
oh
happiness come back awhile
cause if you don't come
i'm gong a looking
for happiness
the road is dangerous
cause if you don't come
i've got to go looking
for happiness...happiness
said I'm...
don't you know i'm...
i'm hurting, hurting inside
oh i'm hurting
who cares
who cares
does the one who love
oh
feel the pain
feel the pain
does the one who love
feel the pain
feel the pain
(been together)
been together like school children
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c_ZAH3UKXg0
No ting could be further from the truth than the lyrics of this song. As a child, I was hurting inside and it wasn't until I was a young teen that I heard these words and felt comfort for the first time. I had found melody that spoke for me.
A record player and cassette deck was what pulled me from the misery to a world that was somewhere else than the little corner that I sat in. When the days of happiness reached me it went deep in my soul and rested there....if became a possibility and as I got older each day, I vowed that I would seek and find my happiness again.
It was the settings of a new adulthood but it was the mind and body of a very young child making up for lost time. From those days to today, I trod on and the journey gets less lonely.
I n I live!!!
A record player and cassette deck was what pulled me from the misery to a world that was somewhere else than the little corner that I sat in. When the days of happiness reached me it went deep in my soul and rested there....if became a possibility and as I got older each day, I vowed that I would seek and find my happiness again.
It was the settings of a new adulthood but it was the mind and body of a very young child making up for lost time. From those days to today, I trod on and the journey gets less lonely.
I n I live!!!
Saturday, April 24, 2010
"Visualization" my husband said after I asked him how Sherlock Holmes was planning his next move/s. Am I working on a plan of attack or introduction? Today, I am searching to gather the pieces of a puzzle, work from the border and piece them slowly and surely into a bigger picture. For myself is not a "so simple" thing called Life.
Perhaps I can muse with some dreams and mix it up with music and have it all make sense.
Foundations and groundation is my method to graduation.
Mission: Educate to Eradicate
Truly,
Freed Im Fighting
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