I am a glutten for punishment but as my mom showed me when I first came to the United States, the truth will eventually come out. In this hub bub world we live in and as the earth spins on her axis, we don't have time to ruminate or illuminate the truth. I find this a crying shame when we are just subjects in a pawn game called life.
However, it is our duty to make right of past transgressions and push forward to create harmony and world we can confidently pass on to our children. The current state of affairs is hindering this progression. If it weren't for technologies advances, we still be embattled in our ideals and yet the world wide web and the internet can bring us freedom to choose in what we learn, to investigate what we've found and to perserve what we need to sanctify our place in history. For the needs of belonging and nuturing a planet we call home.
I know its all esoteric but it is goal that should not be put last on the list of priorities.
Sunday, May 23, 2010
In regards to what it took to get me where I am in life, I must say that each person I've known beyond a superficial level, I can tell something good if not great about them. It has taken some discipline to (not see people in their glowing light) but to just meet other people. My inaite shyness was the obstacle to overcome, along with my apathy and inability to trust strangers, as well as my interpersonal relationship with depression and understanding bi polar disorder.
However I always stood on own my on feet and I owned my personal defeats as each choice I made was carefully thought out and I examined each possible outcome for the situation. I did so without malice and here is where I see individual choices that defines who we are, which can be influnced by genetics, environment and societal expectations.
If we were all as diligent and elegant as some of the greatest minds that resides on the planet, we would know peace. If we held our expectations of the golden rule when we meet with adults and authority, we shall find power. If we were to enjoy our lives like when we were young babies and children, we would find smiles and laughter.
While, I have made my share of mistakes I have painfully retraced my steps to find the error of my ways. This is in my opinion called conscious living. It is what separates the barbaric need to dominate and destroy creation and creativity. In some ways it is a form of captivity to try to trap someone else's innocence or niavity in attempt to possess it for themselves. Human beings are a culmination of good and evil and to consider that we are not victims of deceit, tyranny or tragedy, then you less in tune with the news of today. It is easier to believe that we are incapable of wrongdoing when we break laws everyday, whether universal or man made, we are faulty. Yet, our individual selves are in control if we make it our choosing.
However I always stood on own my on feet and I owned my personal defeats as each choice I made was carefully thought out and I examined each possible outcome for the situation. I did so without malice and here is where I see individual choices that defines who we are, which can be influnced by genetics, environment and societal expectations.
If we were all as diligent and elegant as some of the greatest minds that resides on the planet, we would know peace. If we held our expectations of the golden rule when we meet with adults and authority, we shall find power. If we were to enjoy our lives like when we were young babies and children, we would find smiles and laughter.
While, I have made my share of mistakes I have painfully retraced my steps to find the error of my ways. This is in my opinion called conscious living. It is what separates the barbaric need to dominate and destroy creation and creativity. In some ways it is a form of captivity to try to trap someone else's innocence or niavity in attempt to possess it for themselves. Human beings are a culmination of good and evil and to consider that we are not victims of deceit, tyranny or tragedy, then you less in tune with the news of today. It is easier to believe that we are incapable of wrongdoing when we break laws everyday, whether universal or man made, we are faulty. Yet, our individual selves are in control if we make it our choosing.
This is the life of a higher power and by the words of man, some have given that such a name, whether its God, Allah, Buddah, or Christ, even Jah, we all have someone to answer to. The real issue is who is asking us to become more than we are and for those who understand where someone has been because they have been there too, it our duty to care and to remind ourselves what that was like so we can help others stretch forth and follow through in their own goals and beliefs. Why not help one another along the way is a valid and real question that needs to be answered.
In the scope of a vast continent or planet, we have the ability to send a greeting or a piece of happiness. I bear witness to it everyday as I watch my own children connect to living things and they add vitality and validity to their own existence and being. These things become commerce in the form of social equity rather than material things. Some call it karma. Material items only enhance beauty, like a paintbrush and canvas are merely things. It is the creative mind that moves each stroke into a vision or feeling. Perhaps people need this type of impulsive therapy to see whats inside when they have given up.
It should be passed around and shared so others can influence and enhance its meaning. Words and feelings can be meaningless but to know truth, to see it, feel it and live it is done by conscientious behavior that, for some, has successfully been passed down by generations. In the realm of decades, we have more agility and capacity to pick and choose those years gone by. We have and can incorporated the style, look, beliefs, philosophies and music of those generations into our individual personalities. I've watched mine grow like a little Chia pet. As water gave little green buds the will to sprout and flourish, bringing shape and form to elaborate on whats already there. It circumferences the heart and mind as it is fed life. For this I am grateful.
In the scope of a vast continent or planet, we have the ability to send a greeting or a piece of happiness. I bear witness to it everyday as I watch my own children connect to living things and they add vitality and validity to their own existence and being. These things become commerce in the form of social equity rather than material things. Some call it karma. Material items only enhance beauty, like a paintbrush and canvas are merely things. It is the creative mind that moves each stroke into a vision or feeling. Perhaps people need this type of impulsive therapy to see whats inside when they have given up.
It should be passed around and shared so others can influence and enhance its meaning. Words and feelings can be meaningless but to know truth, to see it, feel it and live it is done by conscientious behavior that, for some, has successfully been passed down by generations. In the realm of decades, we have more agility and capacity to pick and choose those years gone by. We have and can incorporated the style, look, beliefs, philosophies and music of those generations into our individual personalities. I've watched mine grow like a little Chia pet. As water gave little green buds the will to sprout and flourish, bringing shape and form to elaborate on whats already there. It circumferences the heart and mind as it is fed life. For this I am grateful.
I write so on days that the sad, lonely and despaired will open these pages and look for themselves inside and within these words no longer feel as alone. It is how I came about and if I am the last in line, I will wait to be found and continue to walk forward careful not to fall backwards and loose footing and as I reach out when falling I hope to find someone else there to pull me back up.
Still looking for those others who are inspired to live their lives in spite of trauma, oppression and heartache is how I shall live because it is my choice and mine alone. In that I am not lonely but universal because we love and go where hate lives so we can learn to love again.
Still looking for those others who are inspired to live their lives in spite of trauma, oppression and heartache is how I shall live because it is my choice and mine alone. In that I am not lonely but universal because we love and go where hate lives so we can learn to love again.
Friday, May 21, 2010
Carl Schurz
In the corner of the Santa Barbara Newspress, it said Carl Schurz....american politician (1829-1906)
ideals are like stars; you will not succeed in touching them with your hands. But like the seafaring man on the desert of waters, you choose them as your guides, and following them you will reach your destiny.
ideals are like stars; you will not succeed in touching them with your hands. But like the seafaring man on the desert of waters, you choose them as your guides, and following them you will reach your destiny.
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
My strongest attribute is my patience but I have seen it be my downfall as well. Take for example, the last person in line is going to be limited as resources are less available. Yet, often when someone is last they can embody all those those before them. Kind of like when you have to give a speech, you have a frame of reference as others spoke before you on how to stand, where to look, how to sound and with how loud you must be to be heard. I am used to being last and its become second nature to put others first. There's something innate in me in wanting to care for others. I believe Albert Einstein said...if you dont live for others than you are not living.
Ironically, I was in the psychiatric hospital when someone saw me race across the room in my chair as I was the last one to make it there. That had been the group assignment, apparently I wasn't thinking like everyone else and I sat there. When it dawned on me to make my way across the room, everyone else had gone. So, I dragged myself and the chair over in lightening speed. I don't know why but everyone was impressed. I think it was because I made it in record time but the odd thing was that the group leader had congratulated me and told me that I was actually first. I thought she was nuts for thinking that but she made sense when she started to explain how everyone moves in their own time. I guess I had demonstrated that with my absent thinking. I had mulled over the story of the Rabbit and the Tortoise for a quick synopsis of things but sat back confused as I ever was. "Okay, last is first in the mental ward, go figure." This what I was thinking at the time.
Over the years, I have been positioning myself to be first. As a woman, whose a mother and wife, it is easy to find youself put last. Is it by our own doing as the general caretaker? I am unsure but in conversations with friends I know that it happens and there is nothing more to do than climb up and out of that mindset.
I see myself jockeying for position in getting my needs met, usually concerning my emotional needs. It's a fact of life that being number one reaps its rewards. I have learned this from being last and by putting my children's need before me. I consider it patience, but others might consider it naive and dumb. I currently have a need to be seen and heard, after a childhood ruled by the idea that children are not to be seen or heard. So, I continue on not knowing if I matter to others.
Ironically, I was in the psychiatric hospital when someone saw me race across the room in my chair as I was the last one to make it there. That had been the group assignment, apparently I wasn't thinking like everyone else and I sat there. When it dawned on me to make my way across the room, everyone else had gone. So, I dragged myself and the chair over in lightening speed. I don't know why but everyone was impressed. I think it was because I made it in record time but the odd thing was that the group leader had congratulated me and told me that I was actually first. I thought she was nuts for thinking that but she made sense when she started to explain how everyone moves in their own time. I guess I had demonstrated that with my absent thinking. I had mulled over the story of the Rabbit and the Tortoise for a quick synopsis of things but sat back confused as I ever was. "Okay, last is first in the mental ward, go figure." This what I was thinking at the time.
Over the years, I have been positioning myself to be first. As a woman, whose a mother and wife, it is easy to find youself put last. Is it by our own doing as the general caretaker? I am unsure but in conversations with friends I know that it happens and there is nothing more to do than climb up and out of that mindset.
I see myself jockeying for position in getting my needs met, usually concerning my emotional needs. It's a fact of life that being number one reaps its rewards. I have learned this from being last and by putting my children's need before me. I consider it patience, but others might consider it naive and dumb. I currently have a need to be seen and heard, after a childhood ruled by the idea that children are not to be seen or heard. So, I continue on not knowing if I matter to others.
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
Oprah's New
Laura Bush, outed as a secret Rastafarian.....she is a mother and wife, right? 5/4/2010 O show. AaiiiRight!!!
STAY POSTED....working in conjunction with great women and young minds, giving hearts and happy smiles. YOU KNOW Oprah.....YOU AND YOU.....and own.....so cool....I'm there.
Children can understand the envoked emotion of anger and frustrations by clicking a few keystrokes to delegate curse or swear words without actually making it come to life by verbalizing the words for its a test zone and of course not something they are consciously aware of. But adults in communication and particularily emotional intelligence can express themselves with appropriation. The sad part is that there is abuse in this arena of dialogue via the world wide web, as children and adults remove the censor button or filters on their feelings and thoughts. However, individual and some communal regulation can help curve the enthusiasm with self monitors. Ultimately we become individuals that have a choice specific to a time and place and space. The true idea, in the spirit of freedom of speech but we should also have the freedom of silence. As people, we have the right to say what we want but when the emotional baggage accompanies those words we have an enormous variety of differences in opinion as the same wording or phrases are administered in public discourse. It gives the individual distinction, at times uniqueness but often overburdened with other people's interpretation. Sometimes open other times the mind is closed.
The words silent and listen have the same letters.
The words silent and listen have the same letters.
Monday, May 3, 2010
Life in simple times for some~ no matter what happened they were appreciated.
Free Range
Environment within entitlement to free days and play.
I was a child
who ran up and down
the hills of yesterday and tomorrow.
It was home to sorrow.
Elementary was complimentary to what was held dear.
Others so far removed
from the impossibilities
imposed on a young heart wanting a beginning
from the earliest start.
Contradiction within dialectal conversation.
Without sounds to echo
my need to be needed
to be wanted was another matter
one that was much sadder.
Preservation on the reservation was all I had.
I was the shyest
rarely vying for affection.
I was the one following directions.
Survival became tactical and nearly impractical.
Practicality for morality was the means of getting by.
Lies were put upon a small mind
that was bonded to fateful ties.
I was and am a person
before a little child.
I was hoping for some simplicity
just to stay a little while.
Submitting only to a time
that I defined.
It is how I lived a life.
Faced against the corner, just standing, sitting and waiting
till I got a little older and bolder.
I released my chains
to a higher plane.
Love gave in to sin.
When I was a little child, happiness was there a while.....
As a small child, I lived a quaint life in the country, I had wild flowers for friends and green grass to lie in and hide. The sky was vast, blue and white and open to sunshine. It was a small town. The house that my parents built on a hill was a dream turned nightmare. The property was twenty acres of land and my parents found a home away from home. They left the urban rat race to live a quieter life. The other option at the time was heading to Death Valley were the land was just as cheap. My parents bought twenty acres in the 1970's for nearly $20,000. Both of them come from the east coast, my mother from Pennsylvania and my father from Connecticut. My mother was Jewish and her husband was Italian Catholic. The two had other family members that disapproved of their union but when they met on the campus of USC, my father vigorous pursued her until she relented and became a part of his life.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
